Control- Alt- Delete....How to Survive Toddler Tantrums

So here I am, another day in mommyland. Things seem to be getting more and more interesting by the day(or should I say more and more challenging). Most people I know, with the exception of my mother and sister, would say I have a decent level of patience when faced with adversity and challenge. I mention this because with each passing day, I am convinced that Chickpea over hears my morning prayer that I be granted the ability to have more patience today than I had the day before. I can visualize Chickpea in her crib, holding her beloved Sonoma (her stuffed sheep toy) strategizing as to how she is going to take it up a notch today, to test her mother's patience level.

It seems that tantrums and meltdowns have become a normal occurrence throughout the day with Chickpea. I guess it is fair to say that at 22 months of age, Chickpea, has officially entered the "Terrible Two's", which I have been kindly informed don't back off until about age 4. All I can say is,"Please pray for me and other moms like me".

So I was running errands yesterday with Chickpea. You know the usual stuff, grocery store, dry-cleaning, etc. There I was in Whole Foods, and Chickpea started with her sweet little voice "up, mommy, up, pleeeeaaase", which basically meant that she wanted out of the grocery cart. Having been down this road before, I knew there was little to no chance Chickpea was getting out of that grocery cart (because getting her back in would be like trying to cage a wild animal). With all this being said, and Chickpea realizing that she was not getting out of the grocery cart, the rest of this situation played out like the final scene of "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly". And the meltdown followed.

As Chickpea began one of her more epic meltdowns, I started to think. When I am working on my computer, and it decides it is going to have a major malfunction, all I have to do is hit Control-Alt-Delete, and problem averted. So what I want to know is, where is the @$#*ing Control-Alt-Delete button on toddlers? Realizing that this would make parenting too easy, here are some more practical and effective approaches to handling toddler tantrums and meltdowns (Thanks Parents.com for some great tips).



1. Keep your cool and deal with the tantrum as calmly as possible. Remember, you are your child's role model for handling anger. Though it may be tempting to yell at or lecture your child, you should state your position calmly, and make it short and to the point.

2. Walk away from her when she's having an outburst. If you don't feel comfortable leaving the scene, stay nearby, but keep busy. Don't make eye contact or start arguing with your child. If she sees her tantrum isn't having an effect on you, she'll most likely stop.

3. When your child is having a public tantrum, pick her up and carry her calmly to a safe place. Take her to your car or a public bathroom, where she can blow off steam. Be careful not to overreact or lash out at your child because you're embarrassed. Once you're in a quieter place, calmly explain your position, and try to ignore the tantrum until it stops. Sometimes just touching or stroking a child will soothe her. If your child continues to scream, place her securely in her car seat and head for home.

4. Talk in soothing tones. If your child throws a tantrum in a place that you just can't leave (like an airplane), talk to her in a quiet tone. If it helps to keep you calm, repeat the same phrase over and over. ("God I need a cocktail, God I need a cocktail" usually helps for me)

5. Don't try to reason with a child who's having a tantrum. They are so emotionally out of control that this won't work. While every parent tries to prevent tantrums, there will be times when little ones simply lose their cool. When this happens to your child, there's not much you can do, they simply have to vent.

6. Use humor or distraction to draw your child out of a tantrum. Make a funny face or point out something interesting to take your child's attention away from the source of frustration.

7. In some cases, give in to the tantrum (within reason). Sometimes this is a smart strategy,although bribery ("I'll give you some ice cream if you stop crying") should never be an option. Although, if you want to have a peaceful car ride, you might give in to your child's request to hear the same CD over and over again.

8. Don't ignore aggressive actions. If your child is behaving aggressively during a tantrum (kicking, hitting, biting, throwing, or breaking things)take action. If possible, remove your child from the source of her anger, and hold him or give her some time alone to calm down and regain control. For children old enough to understand, a time-out may be effective.

Ode To The Stay at Home Mom

I once heard Oprah herself declare, that she felt that stay-at-home mothers have the most difficult job in the world. And you know what? I would have to agree with her after living the "stay-at-home dream". Yes, I said the "stay-at-home dream", because there was once a time that I would fantasize what it would be like to not have to deal with the rat race of work, getting dressed up, conducting appointments, being productive, and following corporate America's rule book. Yep, being a stay-at-home mom was where it was at.

What the hell was I thinking? Now, don't get me wrong it is not all bad. The feeling of being stuck comes and goes for the us who decide to dedicate a portion of our life to concentrating fully on the needs of our families. One nice aspect about being a stay-at home mom is that it can be a bit of a power trip. You basically decide what is eaten, what is worn, what is said, and what goes on from the bathroom to the mudroom. But then, without a paycheck to validate our work, or camaraderie shared with coworkers, us stay-at-home moms can feel equally powerless.

We are so caught up in the needs of others, it feels as if us stay-at-home moms are in a state of free fall. Some of the signs include, but are not limited to:

1. Wearing the same outfit for weeks on end (washing it of course). It requires little thought when having to get ready in the morning.
2. A vague feeling of having forgotten something.
3. An inability to hold an intelligent conversation around current world events.
4. The habit of talking too loudly or overlapping sentences like a child.
5. An occasional short temper, that may be accompanied by tears.

Let it be known to the critics and cynics, being a stay-at-home mom is intense and involved. Some of our greatest challenges are making our days as interesting as possible for us as well as our children. Time seems to be stretched out, and strangely compressed at the same time. An author once phrased it as "Stillness at warp speed".

Yes, there are days I envy women that get up, get dressed, report to the respite of a cool office, who "lunch" with clients, or anyone who can speak in full sentences for that matter. But the next time someone is compelled to ask, "And what do you do?". How do you tell someone that you do many things in a very detailed way? How do you say "stay-at-home mom" without feeling like you have to justify it as a "real" job?

You Know You are A Parent When....

So I understand it has been a while since my last blog. I actually have a really good excuse. My poor Chickpea came down with the meanest stomach virus I have witnessed to date. I will not get into the graphic details (I'll save them for later), but I will tell you I have not witnesses so much bilateral excrement in my life. For those of you that are lost, that means projectile barf accompanied by jet propelled poop. Hey, after what I have lived through for the past ten days, I find that comment rather funny.

So my poor girl came down with a wicked stomach bug that landed her in the hospital hooked up to IV fluids (not a fun experience for her or her parents). And yes in case you were wondering, this shit is majorly contagious, and yes I got it too (thank God for only 24 hours). I'll just say that karma has a really @%$*-up sense of humor, so be careful when you comment that you will do anything to lose a few pounds, she may just hear you.

The long and short of it is, Chickpea is feeling better, and back to her trying toddler ways. This entire experience got me thinking. There are things I now do as a parent and don't think twice about, but prior to being a parent my normal response would have been "You want me to do what?" For example, when Chickpea was about to throw up, and I did not want it to get all over the floor, I simply cupped my hands and allowed her to puke into them (that gives new meaning to the term "hot mess"). I know you are either absolutely grossed out right now, or completely empathetic having experienced the same thing with your child.

So when you hear that parenting is unconditional love and attentiveness no matter what the circumstances or situation that is not bullshit. In fact it is the honest truth. Below are some other fun and humorous references made by other parents regarding: "You know you are a parent when". Enjoy!

•You know all nursery rhymes/child songs by heart. This goes without saying. A slightly less obvious observation is that you get so sick of certain songs that you spontaneously compose new lyrics just to freshen things up – think “The Wheels on the bus have been jacked by thieves, jacked by thieves, jacked by thieves!”

•Mac and cheese and PB&J's are considered food groups.

•Rummaging through your once It Bag (the last expensive thing you bought for yourself), in the midst of a wallet and lip gloss you find a half full bag of Goldfish to give your child on the go.

•You walk into a non-child friendly house (e.g. grandparents with lots of things on counters) and do a 007-like scan of all of the objects in the room that your child is likely to pickup/throw/break/hurt herself or others with/steal/swallow and you implement "The Sweep".

•You can smell poopy diaper a mile away.

•You seriously contemplate Mister Potato Head’s value as an object of contemporary art, and leave it on your mantle in the living room.

•You think nothing of eating the apple peels your child discards as she eats the real part of the apple. You used to be grossed out by sloppy seconds but now you are, well, a parent.

•The 2 hour mid-day nap no longer means you are chilling out recovering from your hangover (though having a hangover may still be true); rather, it means time to fold the laundry/start dinner/fake a manicure/finish a house project/unload the dishwasher/deal with emails/do 10 push-ups (counts as a workout, right?)/vacuum/ clean apple sauce from the cabinets (HUH?)/and take a shower. Bottom line: you get more done in a 2 hour naptime than you used to get done over an entire weekend in your world of "BK" (before kids).

Super Fun "Tot Spots"

I realize that living in Florida I should never complain about the weather. I feel an exception is in order based on the craziest winter we have seen in some time. So after feeling the worst of my cabin fever, I decided to do some research, and try to come up with some fun and inexpensive places to take Chickpea.

Now I understand that my family may have the good fortune of residing in the number one destination city for most families, but I think it is fair to say that there is life and fun outside of the mainstream theme park attractions (that and I am not brave enough to endure taking a 21month old to visit "the mouse" just yet). So I have taken the time to come up with a list of some great "Tot Spots". I hope you enjoy.

Parks:
First let me share a great website http://playspacefinder.kaboom.org. This website allows you to locate parks within a specified area (by entering your address, zip code, or city). What is really genius about this site is that the parks are rated on a 1-5 scale to really help narrow which parks you would like to visit. Parks I feel are great places to take your toddler. They provide great space for them to explore, take hikes, and get out some of the endless amounts of energy they seem to have. Parks also provide a great opportunity to turn a morning or afternoon of fun into a learning experience. Indulge your toddler's curiosity, by talking about what you see and come across. Some of Chickpea's favorite things to do are find the squirrels hiding in the trees, and to point out the different flowers. I have to admit there is little that compares to watching your child explore the great outdoors with such wonder.

Museums:
Another great website http://attractions.uptake.com/museums helps to locate kid friendly museums in your area. Museums and galleries are another gem to share with toddlers. Many galleries and museums have special areas and programs that are designed for children and encourage them to touch, play and explore. We are fortunate enough to have several amazing museums here in the Orlando area. Chickpea's favorite is the Orlando Science Center. It is a great place for kids of any age (including big kids like me and hubby). The OSC has so many great things to offer like, a habit for indigenous Florida wildlife, a great Kid Zone where toddlers and young children are encouraged to get a hands on perspective, dinosaurs, and various traveling exhibits like the science of chocolate, and Mr. Potato Head. Even in tough economic times the OSC offers a great value with an annual family membership for only $125 which includes parking fees, and admission to all special events (hubby and I are huge fans of Cocktails and Cosmos).

Libraries:
Research shows that access to books and one-on-one reading time is an important predictor of future literacy skills. Reading to babies from infancy on exposes them to the alphabet, and to the sounds that words make. Talking to children about a story increases understanding and vocabulary. Do I need to provide any further rationale on why libraries should be a part of every child's life? Experts feel that it is never too early to fill your little one's head with a sense of wonder about reading. Chickpea is a regular at story time every Tuesday and Thursday. It is so great to see her excitement as stories are read out loud, and she interacts with other children her age. Many local library branches also offer free programs for toddlers and children of all ages. Hearing books read out loud by someone other than their parents can make your child listen even more attentively, and activities like story time help to develop social skills. Be sure to check out some books with your little one before you leave the library. Libraries are a great place to escape on a rainy day; in addition they help to establish good reading habits at a young age.

So whether you choose to venture off to the park, musuem or library my message is to get out and explore with your toddler. With a little research you can find some great spots to visit with your favorite tot. Happy and safe adventures until next time.

Poor Chickpea

I knew our luck was eventually going to run out. Just in case you are wondering, I am referencing the lucky streak my family has experienced this cold and flu season. Ironically I was chatting it up with a girlfriend who was on her third round of her kids being sick this cold/ flu season. "Yeah, I can't believe that we have not gotten sick and it is almost March" I remember saying. I think it was at that moment when karma (that bitch!) had to rear her ugly head.

So there I was last Wednesday taking my usual 9:30 am spin class, when all of a sudden I noticed one of the child care teachers coming into to class. I didn't think anything of it until, she approached me, and asked me to leave the class to come get Chickpea. Of course my heart sunk while I thought the absolute worst. When I got outside of the spin room, the teacher shared that it wasn't anything terrible; she just felt that it was best that I come get Chickpea since she was not acting like her normal self.

After getting Chickpea home from the gym, I couldn't help but notice she was not herself, and I did notice that she was sounding a little "stuffy". I fixed Chickpea her lunch, which she hardly touched. I knew something was up for sure when she wasn't even touching her beloved sippy cup of warm milk. I placed Chickpea down for her afternoon nap, only have her wake up an hour later with a nose that I can only describe as a "hot crusty yellow/ green mess" (gross I know). It was official my girl was sick.

After cleaning my poor girl up, I called my pediatrician. After what seemed a lifetime in the waiting room, we finally saw the doctor. Following a thorough exam the doctor shared, "The good news is it looks like she has a good old fashioned cold, the bad news is there is nothing we can do for it but let it ride its course.” She might as well have said, "Suck it up, the next seven days are going to suck, and there is a 99.9% chance that you and your husband are going to get sick too". And guess what? We did.

I know when I started this blog, I posed the question "What was worse than being on a plane with a screaming child?" and I replied back "Being the parent of that screaming child." Well we can also add "Being the parent of a sick child".

It's been about a week since the onset of Chickpea's (who I temporarily re-nicknamed the Ebola Monkey) cold and she is getting back to her old self again. As far as the hubby and me, we have a couple more days left of this crud. So in true fashion I am sharing some helpful tips to get through this not so fun part of parenting. I hope you enjoy.

1. Stock up on Tylenol or Motrin (I prefer Motrin since it lasts longer)

2. Hydration is so important especially since your toddler may not have much of an appetite; I really like fruits, popsicles, and Pedialite if your little one does not like to drink water.

3. Invest in a Nose Frida (target online carries them for $15 or at http://www.nosefrida.com) it will be the best $15 you spend. You might ask what is a Nose Frida. It is a hygienic way to suck the boogers out of your toddler's congested nose. They don't call it a snot sucker for nothing. Sounds gross but when your child can't breathe or sleep at night you will do ANYTHING. My husband now nicknamed me the "Boogie Bounty Hunter" because of this lifesaving device.

4. Invest in the softest tissues you can find to keep from giving your toddler (and yourself) chapped red noses from constant wiping. Also while you’re at it stock up in lots of hand sanitizer and use it liberally.

5. Be aware of Germ Hot Spots: Note bacteria and viruses can lurk just about anywhere, but they really love to hang out on some of the stuff parents and kids touch constantly.

Grocery-cart handles A University of Arizona study found that 55 percent of them were contaminated with fecal matter. "Carry hand sanitizer in your purse and use it when you've finished doing your shopping," says Dr. Charles Gerba.

Playground equipment When researchers from the University of Arizona College of Public Health examined various playgrounds, they found feces, urine, and even blood on the equipment. Always wash up when playtime's over.

Your kitchen sink It's covered in germs -- 500,000 of them per square inch. Why? When you rinse some foods, particularly raw fruits and veggies, bacteria such as E. coli and Salmonella wash down the drain and accumulate there. Scrub the sink with bleach and water at least twice a week.

6. Lastly, don't forget to give your toddler extra TLC even though he or she is a total crank monster keep in mind they don't feel good, and remember this too shall pass.

What was I thinking.... How to Survive a Hangover with a Toddler

What a weekend, for the girl who rarely goes out on the town anymore. I sure did seem to make up for it all in one night. I guess this is why my sister has nicknamed me "One Night Sally". I seem to avoid going out, but when I do, watch out.

Saturday Night

It was my good friend Shawn's 40th birthday. Needless to say, I was not missing this for the world. Shawn, and his partner Gary throw the best parties, in fact they are rather infamous for great food, drinks, music, dancing and even sometimes entertainment (drag shows like you wouldn't imagine). So Saturday rolled around, and I could not wait to get dressed up, and have a great night out with hubby and with good friends. It almost felt like the old days before Chickpea came along. You know what I am talking about, life before baby, when you could be spontaneous, stay out all night, sleep in the next day. Ahhhhhh those days long past.

Well we got to the party, and in true fashion the party was amazing. Amazing food, great music, great friends, and to top it all off alcohol flowed like the Missippi river. In fact I think it was around my third cocktail, that I started to wonder how I was going to manage Chickpea the next day. See this is where most people would make note of reality, but no, not I, "One Night Sally" was on a roll and she wasn't slowing down anytime soon.

It was in the wee hours of the morning when hubby and I made it back from the party. I don't remember much of the details, but according to my husband the babysitter had a good laugh seeing me out of my normal character. The next thing I recall was waking up because the bedroom would not stop spinning (bad sign, very bad sign). I decided to get out of bed and go downstairs to grab some Motrin and a glass of water. I knew things where bad when I couldn't even open the baby gate at the top of the stairs. After a few humbling attempts to open the gate, I just decided to climb over (bad idea, really bad idea since I still have the bruise to show for it). So I basically missed the step and went down the first flight of stairs on my bum (OUCH!). After finally making it down stairs, I attempted to hydrate and medicate myself; in hopes of minimizing what I already knew was going to be a painful morning.

I think it was ten minutes after 6:00 am, when I heard Chickpea. Note to all of you parents out there, do not go out drinking with the expectation that your little one will take pity on you and sleep in. No, for me, it was a very early wake-up call. When I finally came to, all I could feel was a pounding in my head that rivaled a jackhammer breaking up concrete. The only thing that could be worse was the way my mouth and tongue felt (imagine dryness like the Sahara, and feeling like you licked pavement all night long). Or as my dear friend Mimi says, "It feels like a cat just crapped in my mouth".

Needless to say it was a very rough morning, and an equally rough day. So in my misery I thought I would try to come up with a how to list. So here it goes.


How to Survive a Hangover with a Toddler:

1. Hydrate, Hydrate, Hydrate (if you hate drinking water like myself try Gatorade, it works great and was invented at my alma mater GO GATORS!)

2. Enlist your husband, partner, or any willing human being to help take care of your toddler, while you recover from your very bad idea to indulge in alcohol.

3. Follow the B.R.A.T. diet until your bowels decide they are no longer pissed off at you (and no this is not a reference to your child) B for bread, R for rice, A for apples/ applesauce, T for toast.

4. Resist temptation to sedate your child, instead wait until his/her naptime, and follow suit, sleep and rest will help you through this rough time.

5. Avoid taking common pain killers like aspirin, Tylenol and ibuprofen. There affects can be magnified when alcohol is in your system, so it is best (even though it may be the first thing you reach for) to avoid them to kill the hangover pain. Aspirin is a blood thinner, just like alcohol, and can intensify its effects and Tylenol (or acetaminophen) can cause more damage to your liver. Ibuprofen can also cause stomach bleeding. So be cautious when going for the quick relief.

6. When all else fails, Hair of the Dog that bit you (preferably a Bloody Mary).

In all reality if you are going to tie one on, be sure to have the grandparents or someone you trust take your toddler for a couple of days. That way you can relive your old college days of sleeping in, eating crappy food, and lying on the couch all day in efforts to nurse your hangover.

Warm Milk vs. Cold Milk Game On.

Hello again. I hope everyone had a great week and enjoyed watching the "Big Game" on Sunday (Congrats to the New Orleans Saints, job well done). So like most Americans- me the hubby and Chickpea participated in a football party. In fact, this was Chickpea's first official football party. We were invited by some great friends of ours to come over, and enjoy the game and some traditional football food. It was really perfect since our friends have a little boy named Tucker who is a little older than Hayden.


We got to their house around 5 pm, and were immediately greeted by a very excited Tucker, who could not wait to play with Chickpea. Things were going great, everyone was having a great time, the kids got along great, and I even had a chance to enjoy some game day cocktails and catch up with some great friends.

I t was around 6:30pm and we decided to sit the kids down to eat some dinner. The kids where so cute sitting in their respective highchairs (they looked like they were having a little mini date with a table for two). I got Chickpea all set up and Tucker's mom asked me about this cow printed sleeve over Chickpea's sippy cup. Of course I immediately shared all about this super cool bottle/ sippy cup warmer that I never leave home without. Tucker's mom laughed and shared that Chickpea would most likely drink her bottle regardless whether it was warm or cold. And in true game day fashion a bet was on. Would Chickpea still drink her milk if it was cold rather than warm?

Now knowing my very particular child, I knew I had this one in the bag, so I was sure to bet big. The wager was set, the loser had to treat the winner to massage and babysit her child. As they say "Game On"! I quickly removed the adorable cow printed sleeve warmer from Chickpea's sippy cup and handed her the cold milk. Like true fashion, she handed it back to me with a look in her eyes that read " Woman have you lost your damn mind, you know I only drink warm milk, now get with the program and stop playing games before I real cranky, real fast". No more than 10 seconds after tasting the cold milk in her sippy cup, Chickpea immediately handed me the cup and looked and me again with those eyes that read "Handle this situation, please".
Tucker's mom could not believe what she was witnessing, and was also not happy that she had lost the bet in record time. I joked with her, and asked when would be a good time for me to schedule my massage so I can drop Chickpea off. Tucker's mom laughed and commented that she can't believe she got hustled by a 20 month old and her mommy.

After we got home that night, I got to thinking why did Chickpea love her warm milk so much, and if there were any benefits to giving her milk warm vs. giving cold. So as you can guess I turned to my trusty computer and fired up the internet once again.

So it turns out that warm cow’s milk mimics mother's breast milk temperature and is naturally easier for babies/ toddlers to digest. In addition warm milk is rich in tryptophan like breast milk which can aide in sleep and relaxation for babies and toddlers.

Now understanding this, it is also important to know we need to be careful when heating pumped breast milk formula, or cow’s milk. If you heat milk, breast milk or formula in the microwave it can change the milk's composition which cause the loss certain anti-infective properties and nutrients, even when microwave for a short amount of time. For years experts have been saying that microwaving baby's milk causes horrible heat distribution creating hot spots that can burn babies' mouth's. Although most people shake bottles to avoid this - it always does not work because heat tends to re-conglomerate immediately. Experts do recommend that pumped breast milk, formula, and cow's milk be warmed with even slow heat in order to retain nutrients.

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