You Know You are A Parent When....

So I understand it has been a while since my last blog. I actually have a really good excuse. My poor Chickpea came down with the meanest stomach virus I have witnessed to date. I will not get into the graphic details (I'll save them for later), but I will tell you I have not witnesses so much bilateral excrement in my life. For those of you that are lost, that means projectile barf accompanied by jet propelled poop. Hey, after what I have lived through for the past ten days, I find that comment rather funny.

So my poor girl came down with a wicked stomach bug that landed her in the hospital hooked up to IV fluids (not a fun experience for her or her parents). And yes in case you were wondering, this shit is majorly contagious, and yes I got it too (thank God for only 24 hours). I'll just say that karma has a really @%$*-up sense of humor, so be careful when you comment that you will do anything to lose a few pounds, she may just hear you.

The long and short of it is, Chickpea is feeling better, and back to her trying toddler ways. This entire experience got me thinking. There are things I now do as a parent and don't think twice about, but prior to being a parent my normal response would have been "You want me to do what?" For example, when Chickpea was about to throw up, and I did not want it to get all over the floor, I simply cupped my hands and allowed her to puke into them (that gives new meaning to the term "hot mess"). I know you are either absolutely grossed out right now, or completely empathetic having experienced the same thing with your child.

So when you hear that parenting is unconditional love and attentiveness no matter what the circumstances or situation that is not bullshit. In fact it is the honest truth. Below are some other fun and humorous references made by other parents regarding: "You know you are a parent when". Enjoy!

•You know all nursery rhymes/child songs by heart. This goes without saying. A slightly less obvious observation is that you get so sick of certain songs that you spontaneously compose new lyrics just to freshen things up – think “The Wheels on the bus have been jacked by thieves, jacked by thieves, jacked by thieves!”

•Mac and cheese and PB&J's are considered food groups.

•Rummaging through your once It Bag (the last expensive thing you bought for yourself), in the midst of a wallet and lip gloss you find a half full bag of Goldfish to give your child on the go.

•You walk into a non-child friendly house (e.g. grandparents with lots of things on counters) and do a 007-like scan of all of the objects in the room that your child is likely to pickup/throw/break/hurt herself or others with/steal/swallow and you implement "The Sweep".

•You can smell poopy diaper a mile away.

•You seriously contemplate Mister Potato Head’s value as an object of contemporary art, and leave it on your mantle in the living room.

•You think nothing of eating the apple peels your child discards as she eats the real part of the apple. You used to be grossed out by sloppy seconds but now you are, well, a parent.

•The 2 hour mid-day nap no longer means you are chilling out recovering from your hangover (though having a hangover may still be true); rather, it means time to fold the laundry/start dinner/fake a manicure/finish a house project/unload the dishwasher/deal with emails/do 10 push-ups (counts as a workout, right?)/vacuum/ clean apple sauce from the cabinets (HUH?)/and take a shower. Bottom line: you get more done in a 2 hour naptime than you used to get done over an entire weekend in your world of "BK" (before kids).